WHY NO GIRLFRIEND(s)?

Till then the interview was going slickly. I was confidently jabbering the dexterously practiced retort of all archetypal interview issues. But only till then.

INTERVIEWER: Do you have a girlfriend? ME: No sir, not exactly.

INTERVIEWER: What do you mean ‘not exactly’? Are you in the process of stalking some girl? ME: No sir, absolutely not. I mean there are girls who are friends (to be true precisely acquaintances), but not exactly what we mean by the term ‘GIRLFRIEND’.

INTERVIEWER: What according to your lexicon does girlfriend means? ME: Ahh…. (Paused a while to google all my raison d'être) …Sir a girlfriend is a regular female companion whom one trusts and shares all his thoughts with, and has some emotional intimacy.

INTERVIEWER: And you don’t. Are you biologically exact? Authenticate. ME: ……………………………I was blank. (Still sticking to the adeptly trained methodology I managed to smile, vacantly however).

It is long time since ‘then’ and I am still vexed figuring out what authentication that moron exactly anticipated. Coming from a place where apart from very close pals (definitely male) you can’t let slip to anyone else that you are even vaguely interested in girls, to a situation where having a girlfriend helps in enticing a respectable job certainly qualifies as a great alteration for me. Bothered by that echoing WHY within me I contemplated for some plausible reasons that why I don’t have a GF (let’s cut the chestnut short).

Sigmund Freud proposed that any mental muddle is caused solely by psychological rather than organic factors. (I wish I could tell this to that moron that nothing is needed to be verified biologically). So I started my interpretation from the phase of very creation of psyche, childhood. I have no sister and though I was turned sophisticated in a co-ed discipline I never had many friends till 10 years of age given my highly introvert nature then (currently it is simply introvert, somehow I have administered to do away with the adjective ‘highly’). So till then there was nothing like the notion of girls. There were just women and students. Though there was a girl in my neighborhood but she was always poised excessively feminine, too old to qualify for girl.

Things changed a bit in teenage. I became less reclusive and made some very manly kind of people ‘my dear friends’. They (or we) preposterously thought it was not the attribute of a real man to mingle up with girls. (Thank God I didn’t turn into a Shivsainik). We idiotically trusted Mark Twain when he wittily quoted “If your wife doesn’t like the smell of your cigar change her.”

Anyway the feeble believe, of we the neophytes, succumbed to our matured hormones. But being reclusive to girls that long, I never realized exactly when I developed the shyness towards this gender. When I realized that few of so understood other half of my class have grown-up into pretty young things (PYT), I was too diffident to initiate an association. I dreamed to talk with them forever but didn’t cause I was scared my words could turn into a meaningless babble. I was scared they might not like me, and that would have hurt.

Providentially, a new PYT, from a more urbanized environment, got admitted in my class and concurrently got interested in me. Despite the fact that there were many interested and few more eligible candidates she chose me. I think she liked the fact that I was the one who showed least curiosity in her. Oblivious of my shyness she naively thought I was different. In a way I was. Initially the inanity was intriguing and the fantasy of deeming that we were in a perfectly special world was captivating.

But soon I realized that it doesn’t exist and also the entire intricate emotional commotion drawn in in these short of affairs took over me. It seemed more of mess then bliss. And thus the only GF of my whole long life till now seemed a person in charge of my freedom, and I hate to be owned. The association wrecked then and there with all the culmination drama implicated. So we moved ahead using ideas as our maps. Initially it saddened a bit but sooner the sadness was overcome as the senses roused.

Then and there I realized the meaning behind the T-shirt wisdom ‘Love is like a beautiful flower, even the most attractive one will die someday’.

Since then lots of times I came across PYTs and one of the time in college I was profoundly fascinated but given my past experience and my present resolution to shed off the emotional part in me I practice patience and let the desire dry out on its own (My shyness helps keeping patience). Sometime I have to linger long but in most cases soon someday I spot that concerned PYT with some dim-witted fella and at once the longing departs.

But after all this learning still sometimes there is a nagging in some corner of my heart, which wishes if things were little different, if a decent and gracious lass would have taken some interest in me. See that’s the matter we never learn, we never change.